Who am I?

When are we meant to know who we really are? 

I'm the short brunette who always does what she is told and serves often beyond her capacity. 

I'm the crazy wild child who gets over excited by everything and everyone, making rash decisions. 

I'm the one who makes the tea. 

I'm the one who will always always choose the underdog over anyone else. 

I'm a feminist. 

I'm the christian one.

I'm the 'best friend'. 

I'm the odd one out. 

I'm the youngest.

At some time, in some way these are labels i've put on myself, or someone has put on me...or somehow somewhere along the way they have become part of my identity, part of how I see myself. 

Yet now I find myself looking at some most of them and wondering if that is actually who I am. Is that actually how I see myself, what I am passionate about, what I was made to be? 

At the tender age of 23, (because actually I am realising just how young that really is) why is it that part of me feels like I should know everything about myself, know fully who I am and what I want? 

I know to an extent, but it has slowly dawned on me now that it is freeing being able to say 

"I am still figuring it all out, and actually the person I thought I was is not who I am, I do not want to be defined by that label" 

I am trying to see myself through someone else's eyes...

Through God's eyes. 

And believe me He does not look for the tasks I do, however quickly or perfectly I may or may not do them. He does not look for whether I have understood every word of a document or a spreadsheet. 

He doesn't mind if I have an off day where what I really want is a day in bed with tea and a book. And He doesn't see the position I hold in family, friends or work as what defines me. 

He sees my heart, the one pumping in my chest. He sees my spirit and how it reacts in this world and to His own. He sees my pain and heartache. He sees my joys and excitement. He sees me, He wants to know me more and more. He sees that. 

He doesn't see the labels I put on myself. He sees the beautiful creation He made. He sees the good He created me to be, and longs for me to give permission for Him to do surgery on my breaks and cuts. 

It is not easy realising you have been living under labels you have been given. 

It is not easy to let go of the ones that have become your safety net. 

But it is freedom when you shake them off. 

When you look and see what is good, what is true and what is God. 

It is good to start to see yourself through God's eyes. 

Rachel 

xoxo

p.s i was listening to this as i wrote this post and am now obsessed with their music!