the vast expanse of the complete unknown

'i just put in my headphones and shut out the rest of the world' 

"Obosit" resounds in my head as I walk through my house this evening. 

Tough days. Cold weather. Fires that refuse to start.

And the words Julia spoke at our church settle into my brain.

 Honesty; be interested in how it is rather than what we think it should be, just stop faking it.  

So I will be honest. 

I need rest. 

I am learning that true freedom comes in rest from Him. 

That where I get most energy is through spending time with my Heavenly Father, 

so I need to get over myself and do it.

Sometimes this means asking Him to invade my sleep and dreams, it means putting on headphones and shutting out the rest of the world. It means lying on the floor with my eyes closed and thoughts on the insane size of the world. It means reading pages of the Bible searching through the stories of these normal people, seeing how He used them, and trying desperately to see that in my life. 

I read that back and it sounds idilic, it isn't. It is hard. 

So honestly these are the things I know: 

- life is better if I am honest 

- I am better if I rest...in Him

- I love where I am and who I am with

- Snow makes the world look like a white washed perfect place and this makes me happy

- The more time I spend with Him, the more I want to spend with Him.

***

"We must go on and recognise the real Giver. It is madness not to. Because, if we do not, we shall be relying on human beings. And that is always going to let us down. The best of them will make mistakes; all of them will die. We must be thankful to all the people who have helped us, we must honour them and love the. But never, never pin your whole faith on any human being; not if he is the best and the wisest in the world. There are lots of nice things you can do with sand: but do not try building a house on it" c.s.lewis

R.